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As a little girl, I would have never expected to have to deal with an international pandemic on or during my "BIG DAY".

For those of you who do not know me, I have talked about my wedding since I watched Cinderella when I was 3 years old. So, 20 years later I am about to marry the man of my dreams. 7 months before my wedding day, the government decided to shut down the economy. I thought that would have been enough time for the pandemic to run its course. But here I am, 110 days from my wedding day... cancelling the event that I have spent over $15,000 on.

My wedding shower was such a fail, that 1/33 invites RSVP'd. I cannot say that it all has to do with COVID-19, but I am willing to bet that it was over half of the reason people did not want to attend. I did not grow up close to my family, but it makes me want to cry. It made me feel unimportant and unloved. But the situation is out of my hands. And it's over now. I am trying to heal from it.

Although my fiancé and I are excited to become one, we were most excited for our families to meet and join us in celebration. We know this will be the only time that happens as our families live 2,000 miles apart. We will most likely have to celebrate most of our lives compromising which side of the family we will be with. Not ideal, but this is the cost of being together. One we are both more than willing to sacrifice.

We have been looking forward to our wedding day for years, as we have been engaged for almost 2 years. All the excitement has come to an abrupt halt. It has affected me mentally and is draining to have to make this decision. I will explain our reasonings below.

In May of 2020, I lost my Grandfather due to Covid-19. Although he was older and had underlying conditions, what hurt the most is the fact that he died surrounded by no one he knew. Loved ones were not allowed to be with him. He was then cremated and I never got to say good bye to his body. It haunts me. He meant more to me than I can explain.

We recently got the news that my fiancé's great uncle is also ill with Covid-19. This was the turning point for us. The issue was supposed to improve and in Texas, but it has taken a turn for the worst. The thought of another person dying without their loved ones hurts my soul. If my wedding is the reason people WE LOVE THE MOST fall ill, we could not start our marriage off on the right foot.

I write this to connect with all brides experiencing something similar. I want you to know you are not alone. I want you to know that a wedding does not define your marriage. It does not define the love that your family has for you.

With this... I am speaking to myself.



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